This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
porn star boner night. come get it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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