6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
