we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
