oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
