Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
