If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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