he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize