I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
