How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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