Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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