so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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