Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
