If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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