I should be sponsored by Trojan
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
