getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
