You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
