Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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