In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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