the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
