I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This baby is an asshole
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
