My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
