i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The power of my boobs compel you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize