She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
