i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
