It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
