Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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