Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
