You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize