New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
