my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
