if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
