hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
