he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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