I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize