I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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