I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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