I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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