i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
