It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
