A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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