Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
