i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
