Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
