ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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