Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
