3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
