Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize