Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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