we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
