If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We need to get me chipped asap
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
