He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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