i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize