Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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