is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Someone shit on the floor
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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