An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
there is glitter all over my balls
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
