Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
