party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
