he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
