anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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