fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
