Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am spending my child support on dildos
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
