omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
