I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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