Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
