I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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