I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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